Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
