i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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