I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
