doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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