Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
