no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
