someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
