Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
