I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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