So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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