so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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