he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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