Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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