I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
