so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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