Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
