omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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