1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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