i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
