I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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