the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
