I'm eating all of the evidence.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
