ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
