i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ketchup is God's man juice
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
