Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
