I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
