My girlfriend figured out who you are.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
