We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
