I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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