Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
