I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
