she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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