i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
