Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
