I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
