yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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