i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
