how can u be prego again
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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