Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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