I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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