Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
