Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
