a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
