where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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