May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
