I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
