so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
