Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
