i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
