She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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