my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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