in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
