i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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