Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
