I smell stomach acid.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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