So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
