Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
