Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
