now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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