im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
