oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
