Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
