man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize