Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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