it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
