haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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