Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
two words...techno handjob
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
