this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
