I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
