I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
