I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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