I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
