i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
