Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
