waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
