Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
