HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
These tits shall not be calmed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
