is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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