He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
