he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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