all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
