i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
