she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
