Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
