were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize