I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
