I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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