I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
wow bdsm is so cute
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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