Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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