i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
