You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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