So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
