I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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