remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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