I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize