just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
