Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Everyone says I win the strip club
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
