Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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