I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
