Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
