Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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