I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
