You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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