my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
